he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
