I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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