You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
