and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
