my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dick very happy bro
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
