Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she smelled like a LAN party
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
