I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You pole danced in your parka.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
