That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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