Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
