The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
