I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
