I've blown a few things in my day
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
