I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
