omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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