while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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