You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
