If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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