All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
