I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Two words: nipple clamps
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