Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
