Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
