I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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