guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
