i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
