remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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