i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
