The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
