My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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