i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
