I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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