some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
