i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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