my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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