Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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