I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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