I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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