I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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