That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
