just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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