I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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