She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
