im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
