One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize