He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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