i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My cat gives me a boner
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
