I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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