i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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