I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
