He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
its not stalking. its research.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
