Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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