You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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