I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
