Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
