The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
