Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
