Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
