We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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