i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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