She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
