if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
