You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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