By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
