Even the bartender felt bad for me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
