when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
