Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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