having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Your penis caused this!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
