I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
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