So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
