They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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