after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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