Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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