Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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