even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
