this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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