Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
People in love make me want to vomit
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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