My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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