I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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