Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
